departure #1

John left yesterday. John, one of my best friends and the first of my close friends to go home for break, left without saying goodbye. I didn't really feel like I was leaving until I realized he's back home, that I didn't get that last hug I'd been banking on. This morning, Mitch, who lives across the hall, and Morgan, my roommate, left. Later today Brez and Matt and Stu will go, and Shawn tomorrow. Emily and Kelly are here until Monday, but Emily's already packed everything, and my parents come on Sunday, so I doubt I'll see the two of them much after today. Panic.

I have a paper due at 3 pm. I've been procrastinating more than usual. I can't decide if it's because I know this particular professor is more flexible than some others, or because I know this is the last thing I have to do. Even the verb "have to" is relative--I don't need to pass this class in order to graduate. Mostly, it's loyalty to Dr. Madden that's keeping me even minimally motivated.

Tomorrow I'm giving a presentation on my trip to Tanzania at Second Hour of Quaker Meeting. I still have to prepare for that, as well. I'm worried about going over there for the last time ever. More than anywhere but Preston, Meeting has been my home. Those people have been so supportive and loving... how do I say thank you for that?

I thought this post would be cathartic, but it's really just making me more nervous. I'll write later, when I don't have a paper deadline breathing down my neck.

the start of my final finals

Well, it's that time, I suppose. I turned in my final project for my anthro class this morning, tomorrow is my film exam, Wednesday I turn in my writing portfolio, Thursday is linguistics, and Saturday a term paper for Irish lit... That all sounds hectic when it's written in one sentence like that, but I'm not stressed at all. I feel really, creepily calm about it, actually.

I started packing last night--mostly the unnecessary things I shouldn't have even brought down here, but packing all the same. I have my cap and gown and dinner reservations for Monday night. Things are coming to a close. I don't really know what to say other than that.

Seriously?

I keep wondering if this is really happening.

I graduate in 18 days--which is now closer to two weeks than three--and in just over one month I am getting on a plane and flying to another country and staying there for some time. I'll have a job and no homework. I'll have an apartment and no roommate. I'll be 22. There will be snow on the ground and I'll be much more than an hour and a half from an ocean. I will primarily be speaking a language that my parents don't understand more than five words of. I will pay for things in Euros (and I will want to cry when I think about how many dollars each one is worth). When I walk out of my room in the morning there won't be these people around me that have been there for the last two/four/seven/twenty years. I'll have to find a new coffee shop to hang out in--if there even is a coffee shop to hang out in. Will I sit in a bar instead? In a church? In a museum?

On the one hand I'm grateful to be able to leave all the things I've been bitching about for as long as I can remember--can we talk about the fact that it's almost December and I can still wear short sleeves outside?--I'm glad the break will be complete. I won't have to walk that line between being a graduate and still wishing I could go to college parties or worrying about bumping into people in five points who will ask "Wait, I thought you graduated?" I've been watching my friends who finished last spring (and those who should've finished years ago but still haven't) sit around, unable to get real jobs with their liberal arts Bachelor degrees and I'm glad I don't have to do that, to walk into a temp agency just to pay the rent. But they're all still here, in Columbia, together, trying to make it work and to figure out what it means that there's no more papers or tests or projects to do. Will I have to do that on my own? When I call home on Wednesday nights at 10 pm, will my Preston friends be too busy eating cereal to answer? Will they understand that I know exactly what time it is and yeah, that's why I called from my quiet apartment where I can't eat Lucky Charms because Germans believe in healthy breakfasts? Will they think about me over spring break in their flip flops and sun dresses and laugh because they know I'm still wearing my parka?

This post feels self-indulgent and I'm sorry. I think I thought it was some kind of game until now. That I would wake up one morning and we would all look at each other and go "PSYCH!" and laugh because, no, of course I'm not leaving, we'll be together forever... The truth is, all I've ever been is a student. All I've ever known is eating dinner with the same people every night, ordering the same coffee every day, climbing to the third floor of the same building for the last three years. I'm worried I won't be able to forget all those things I wish I could be doing. Maybe I'm more worried someone else will too easily forget that I did those things with them.

germany?

I'm sorry to be away so long. I feel like very little is happening in way of my plans, and so I'm rarely reminded of anything to write about.

Of course, it's not entirely true that nothing is happening. I'm doing well this semester and am fully confident that I will in fact graduate from USC on December 17th (which, by the way, is also my birthday). Everything seems to be in order for my move to Eisleben. I'm in the process of getting a plane ticket, housing is set up, and I get my visa and insurance settled after I get there... Kinda exciting. Kinda scary.

I'm also working on applications for Border Servant Corps and Lutheran Volunteer Corps so that I can spend a little time back in the states before running off in the Peace Corps. I've discovered that it's possible to earn a Master's degree while in the Peace Corps as well. That's an exciting prospect. If only I knew what I wanted to study next...

I still haven't fully processed what I experienced in Tanzania. I'm feeling nostalgic about it and wanting to go back, and trying to make myself remember that it was also a difficult experience. I'm not the kind of person who takes orders easily, and although I have no doubt that I have found my calling in social justice (particularly as it pertains to international concerns), I wonder how I will deal with a lifetime of Bishops looking at me and telling me where my place is within a new social order.

I guess I still haven't said anything about working at camp, either. That was also a mixed experience. I'm grateful to have learned a lot from my co-workers about living in community with people unlike myself. I also met a lot of people who are much much better than any other college students I know at separating out people's beliefs and the words they say from their being. That sounds vague, I know, but I can't find any better way of saying it. At the same time, it was a difficult job, and I often felt unprepared, inadequate, and unappreciated. I keep asking myself if I'd do it again... I think that I'm glad that I did it, and if I were to go back in time, I wouldn't take back the decision to spend my summer at Agape, but I also know I will never go back to camp...

Well, that's all for now. Homework calls.

tanzania journal

sorry to lump this all together, but it was the easiest way to upload.

Tuesday 15 May, 2007

21:48

Dar Es Salaam

Well, we made it to Tanzania. The flights were long and hard. We left Clemson on Sunday after worship, Atlanta at 6:30 that night, and got to London early in the morning. The whole time we were traveling, I tried to keep up with the local time, so when we got through customs around 10 am and people wanted to go into town, I decided to go with them. I was tired as we rode the underground and had some trouble staying awake, but the city was exciting enough to keep me from being grouchy. It did rain on us the whole time and it was a little cold, but tolerable. We went to Piccadilly Circus, the Eye, Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, and Buckingham Palace, and I was a little disappointed. Everything was much smaller, drearier, and unimpressive than I imagined. Maybe the best part was this little pub we found (called Westminster Arms) with the best fish and chips I’ve ever had. I also got a Strongbow—cider, but not as sweet as Woodchuck. All that was really expensive, though. I spent £20 on that food and an all-day underground pass. Usually, that would be $40, but I’m sure the airport ATM screwed me on the exchange rate.

I slept most of the time on the flight from London to Dar (except when they were feeding us of course), but it doesn’t seem to have been good sleep. By the time we got to the hotel, all I wanted to do was take a nap. After breakfast (which was really good, maybe just because it was the first real plate I’ve seen since my house in Clemson) I came upstairs for about half an hour and lay down, but it still wasn’t enough. We went to Seacliff, a resort which, according to Hillary, primarily serves as a center for expatriates to hang out. There were some cute shops and we got to see the Indian Ocean, but it felt just like any other resort.

Fewer people here speak good English than I thought would. Lucas, our driver, thinks maybe 60% of the people in the city won’t speak it at all. I didn’t take the time to learn any Swahili because I thought it would be okay, but now I feel like a jerk. Some of the people here begin to speak Swahili to me and I just look at them with a blank look on my face. Jerk jerk jerk.

Anyway, when we got back from Seacliff I just crashed. Well, really, I crashed in the car on the way back. But I was kind of dozing every time I sat down all day. Regardless, I slept all afternoon and I’m still tired. We ate in the hotel (I think the city is relatively dangerous for tourists), and I had this beef ginger soup that blew my mind. It makes me want to use ginger in cooking more often. We thought at first it might’ve been a burger, and then just a plated homestyle steak or something, but soup was a pleasant surprise. I think if I could figure out how much to use (which may well be a real challenge), it would be worth trying to put ginger in a burger.

Hillary says more than half of the city lives in extreme poverty. That’s unbelievable to me. The exchange rate is 1,250/= to $1. My dinner was 10,000/=. She says people rarely tip.

I was afraid of getting sick, so I’ve been eating some boring food. Not that it’s helping—the Malarone is really doing a good one on me. Some people aren’t having problems with it, but a lot of us are nauseated and have headaches. I’m just trying not to talk because at this point I’m sure I’m a huge grouch.

Wednesday 16 May, 2007

21:13

Iringa

The drive wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I did end up sleeping most of the way. We went through Dar a little more to get to the highway, so I got to see it a little this time. The street vendors were insanely aggressive, walking up to the jeeps when we stopped and sometimes just asking for money. I still don’t know how to handle that situation.

I ended up in Karim’s jeep this time. He seems even less willing to fraternize with us than the other drivers, so it was a very quiet ride. I wanted to ask him questions, but I’m not even sure how good his English is.

The land is unbelievably beautiful. We drove through or past several mountain ranges that defied everything I thought I knew about mountains. We saw baobab trees, elephants, giraffes, and impala. So cool.

I also really enjoyed driving across the country and seeing people. A lot of places seemed fairly desolate (at the edge of Dar, the coffin vendors had more customers than the people selling furniture) but there is a silent hope in their faces that you don’t see in America’s poor. I wonder how much of that comes from knowing you aren’t a minority. The use of American/non-African culture amused me as well. For example, one of the busses had a Nelly decal on the back, I saw at least three “ROHALDINO” jerseys, and several LA Lakers hats.

Tomorrow we finish the drive to Magoye. Hoping for the best.

Swahili Vocabulary

Asante: thank you

Karibu: you’re welcome

Sana: [positive intensifier]

Poa: cool

Safi: great/fine [lit: clean]

Samahani: excuse me

Pole: sorry

Ndiyo: yes

Hapana: no

Friday 18 May, 2007

9:31

Matamba

I forgot to write about the factory we saw in Dar. The sign said “Tanzanian Chinese Friendship Textiles” or something like that. It was closed, of course. I don’t know the whole story behind that place, but it doesn’t bode well for the textiles development I’d like to see here.

The ride up here was really rough, but I didn’t get sick. YAY! I counted at least 56 switchbacks on the main climb, plus a lot more curves. I think we’re at about 7,000 feet. We ended up not staying in the same place as last year. Now we’re in the FEMA women’s center. We’re still not sure what goes on here except that the goal seems to be economic empowerment and mobilization, not protecting the women from anything. I am so down with it, though. They give all 30 or so women who are involved a little plot to garden on and the whole complex is protected by a nice brick fence. I think they’re also teaching them to sew because I saw them moving sewing machines out of one of the rooms. There’s also a kindergarten here, sponsored by the church. It’s more expensive than the secular kindergarten but their rules about payment are more flexible.

I peed in a hole yesterday. It smelled disgusting and it was slippery and hard not to fall or barf but I did it. Stepping outside our boundaries part one.

We got a flat tire on one of the jeeps even before we hit the bad roads. But we got to stop at a really awesome spot that looked like Idaho and take pictures. There were some purple/pink grasses that blew my mind. But for an unknown reason my ankle gave out as I walked across the street and I fell. I cut my hand and knee. I’m trying not to worry about it, but it’s red and a little swollen. I’ve just been putting a lot of hand sanitizer on it.

We’re going to meet a member of parliament today with the Bishop, which is kind of cool.

Swahili vocabulary

Jina lako nani?: What’s your name?

Jina langu ni….: My name is…

Baadaye: see you later.

Kwa heri: bye

Nafurani kukufahamu: pleased to meet you.

Subiri kidogo: just a minute

Sawa: sure

Natoka marekani: I’m from America.

Friday, 18 May 2007

22:48

Matamba

I got distracted earlier because I heard the kindergarten kids running around and I wanted to talk to the girl teaching them. Immediately when I got outside, these 5-year olds started yelling “Good morning, teacher! How are you?” IN ENGLISH!!! I was shocked and amazed. That was really all they could say and they didn’t recognize any response, but still…

Then I busted out the bubbles and the kids went nuts. There were probably 40 kids screaming “Namimi mwalimu!” (My turn, teacher!) everyone else caught on and we were all covered in bubbles and African kid spit by the end of the morning.

Swahili vocabulary

Mwalimu: teacher

Kaka: brother

Dada: sister

Ndugu: sibling/friend

Saturday 19 May, 2007

19:14

Matamba

We brought a bunch of shoes and they were all piled in our common room. We told the Bishop’s wife that the women were welcome to come take them, but no one was, and they were eyeing them from the breezeway, so yesterday we moved them out where it didn’t seem like we were guarding them. It wasn’t long before we heard them all talking and laughing, so I went out to take a picture for mom, since she was the one who started the shoe drive. When I asked them if I could take a picture, they all started singing and dancing. It was great. I think they all found at least one pair that fit, which is really impressive.

We also visited with the Bishop and a member of parliament about the school. They both seem intent to start that teacher’s college, even though we all think it’s a bad idea. I did enjoy touring the diocese office, however, especially because they’re running an HIV education program. I stayed and talked to the staff members for a while. They’re doing education in the schools from age 10. There’s free initial testing in Matamba, but you can’t get medicine without a C4 count, which is only available in Makete. Those drugs are free once your C4 counts are bad enough, and condoms are free at the clinic to anyone who tests positive. Sometimes people who aren’t positive can buy them, but they have the same problem we do with embarrassment working as a deterrent to preventative prophylactic purchase. Very few children, they say, are being born with the virus. I don’t know who’s responsible for that—better doctors or more empowered women. I got some of their educational materials but I haven’t had time to look through them yet. The claim almost everyone knows their status and total infection is almost 10% but I couldn’t get a new infection rate out of them.

We were playing with the kids later and there was a group of boys goofin’ off for me and Niki. Some older boys were eyeing us but we largely ignored them for a while. One tried to ask me something, but his English was bad and he got embarrassed and walked away. Later, another walked up (followed by a gaggle of fascinated boys) and introduced himself. He was probably 12. We exchanged a few niceties before he said “I need your services.” I was confused, but I thought he said “I am in povert” (they drop the ending y a lot). His friend said something, though, and Niki said “You’re a PERVERT?” and they all started laughing. We walked away pretty quickly. I’m still not sure though. The posturing suggested he WAS hitting on me, but I’m terrified this boy was asking me for help and all I said to him was “That’s a bad idea.” I mean, they ask us for money fairly constantly, though, and what can I do? I can’t save all of them.

There’s no hot water. I miss showering and shaving and pooping regularly. Tomorrow morning is church and I feel weird going smelly and in dirty sneakers.

I really want to talk to the women who hang out at the FEMA center, but the language barrier is enormous. There are to Germans, Anne and Katerina, that hang out here, too. Katerina teaches at the kindergarten here and she said I could work with her next week instead of going into the secondary school. I hope that if Stacey and I do that, I can ease into a conversation w/ them.

We walked around Magoye today. It was nice to get out and actually do something. We played street soccer with a bunch of kids and that was a lot of fun. But I can’t shake the feeling that there are a lot of people who don’t want us here.

The elevation is really getting to me up here. I’m dizzy and cranky and always sleepy. I took a very long nap and still didn’t feel like doing anything after tea. I’m just hoping it’s elevation sickness and not a real disease.

Monday 21 May, 2007

21:54

Matamba

Yesterday we went to worship. It took 2 ½ hours and the Bishop used us as his political pawns the whole time. There also wasn’t as much singing as Mom and Dad had made it sound like there would be. Mostly, it was people talking about the fact that we were there. At one point the mentioned the orphan houses, though, and I remembered another statistic I didn’t write down: there are a little over 100 people taking advantage of the diocese’s HIV resources, but 1,000 plus orphans of HIV.

Anne and Katerina had visitors this weekend—other Germans working in Matema on the coast of Lake Malawi. They were all really nice and I had a good time talking to them (p.s. they said the diocese’s stat on total infection rate is way off. It’s probably about 15%.) Best of all, maybe, they agreed to walk around town with us to help with Swahili. I felt more conspicuous with them and all the huddling Americans following them, but also a bit more confident. It was almost as if being seen with them relayed more clearly what we’re here fore. After tea, Stacey and I decided to try again helping the mamas in the kitchen. They let us this time and it was really fun. They were singing and dancing the whole time and trying to teach us Swahili and learn English themselves. The stove they cook on is woodburning and the whole room is hot, but it’s nearly unbearable trying to stand right next to it. They also had Amanda and I de-bone and gut a fish that still had a head and tail. It was hard not to freak out. only problem was, it was even harder to eat unfamiliar food when you help to cook it. (And now I wish I had written about this last night because I was much more excited about it immediately afterward.)

This morning, we “helped” in the kindergarten. While Katerina is teaching them English, it’s mostly done in Swahili, so we couldn’t do a whole lot, but I tried to help one girl who was having trouble writing. Stacey played with one of the younger siblings, drawing on a piece of scrap paper. We visited Itamba, too, in the afternoon—toured, had a presentation, and ate lunch. Of course, the Bishop showed up and had more of the same to say. I’m so sick of playing the politics game with him, but he won’t let us stay out of any of it. I will be sad to leave the FEMA center, but not Matamba/Magoye.

Wednesday 30 May, 2007

21:20

Arusha

The week in Matamba was really great, but really busy and eventful and somewhat overwhelming. I loved hanging out with the kids in the kindergarten and Katerina. We had a party on Tuesday and played a bunch of games and ate candy. Wednesday I didn’t get to go because I had to translate for PC at the Bishop’s office. Thursday I sat in on Luca’s class. He’s a wonderful teacher, but really suffering from a lack of materials. He also took us to visit Matamba Primary School, where there’s a special education class. It looked promising, but the headmaster is a little pushy. He wants us to do all kinds of things for him.

I miss the mamas. We ended up doing another gift ceremony for them and singing and I thought it was really nice. I know I didn’t get much of a chance to really talk to them, but I hope there was some kind of understanding between us. I gave Mama Bestina my cross from Dancing at the Crossroads. I tried to tell her it was because she’s always dancing, but I don’t know if she understood.

I hate Arusha. I hate cities. I hate being the rich demographic. I hate people begging me for money and telling me things are more expensive than they really are because I’m white. I also don’t really know what the crime situation is here, but I don’t feel that the police force is what it should be.

Niki got upset with us the other day because we can’t move around a city comfortably. I’m also a little sad that I can’t, but I can’t help I was kept away from them my whole life and taught to be afraid. I also hate that she gets so upset about it, but she does stupid things, forgetting that this IS a city (at least, I hope she doesn’t behave this way in NYC).

We did a game viewing at Lake Manyara and the Ngorongoro Crater. It was pretty cool, but not as cool as I had hoped. Mostly elephants at Manyara, Zebra at Ngorongoro. I’m glad to be able to say I’ve been there, though. And I also think the fact that I was motion sick the whole trip didn’t help my lack of awe.

Rebecca is really sick. We’re all hoping it’s not contagious. Niki won’t stop farting. It’s foul.

Saturday, 16 June 2007

15:48

Fuquay-Varina

I still haven’t settled a lot of the things that I experienced in Tanzania. I feel like in a lot of ways, the things I have to offer were shown to me there, but in a lot of ways I also felt dismissed. Because most of the group was counseling students, I felt like the fact that I am not formally trained in that way gave me a different view. I’m so used to being around people who do the same things I do, who think the same way I do, that it was strange to be put in a group I didn’t have a hand in designing. It’s also hard because I haven’t really re-entered the “real world” of American college life. In a lot of ways, the community at camp is more like what we saw in Matamba, and so I don’t feel shell shocked.

Unfortunately, I did get some kind of sickness there or on the way back. I thought I was just tired of being in a jeep and an airplane, but now that it’s been several weeks and I’m still sick I’m getting worried. I’ve been to several doctors and none of them have any answers. They just keep giving me antibiotics and telling me to drink more fluids.

I keep asking myself whether I’ll go back to Tanzania. I can’t answer that question, though, which worries me. I really enjoyed a lot of moments, but as a whole experience, I felt exhausted the whole time. I’ve been talking about pushing boundaries for so long, and hoping to spend time outside this country that I think I forgot how hard it really is to do that. I think that it’ll just depend on how and when the next opportunity comes up.

I don't have much time, but I wanted to let everyone know that we're doing fine, hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro today and heading home tomorrow.

wowzer.

I thought I would have a lot of time to update once I finished with exams and moved home. Boy was I wrong!

Semester recap: my dorm room is haunted; I'm not going to Ireland; I don't like Arthurian literature; I made a 4.0; I have awesome friends. That about covers it.

I got home Tuesday thinking I could kind of relax, prepare myself for the trip, read a good book, watch some junk tv, etc. and then immediately realized I had four days to unpack all of my stuff and re-pack it depending on whether I was taking it to Africa, camp, Columbia (that's right--I already packed for the fall semester), or staying here. Not to mention the fact that Smith is moving into an apartment on Monday, so Caleb is moving into my old room that Smith has been living in for two years, which means having to re-organize all the closet space in the whole house as well as moving furniture... It's been hectic, to say the least. I'm so glad I won't be here when the construction begins. That's right. My parents decided now would be a good time to renovate the bathrooms (okay, that was kind of forced by the floor that completely rotted out from underneath the house) AND add another room onto the house. Insanity.

Tanzania: I'm basically losing my mind right now. Everything is (hopefully) packed, but like I said I've had no time to relax, so my sleep schedule is all off, I'm moody and dehydrated and just generally not looking forward to this trip. Which makes me saddest of all, b/c I've been waiting for it for so long. I just know I've forgotten something completely essential and I'm going to get some horrible exotic disease because of it. It would be my lousy luck... But I am trying to think positive. This is going to be an incredible experience. It's an experience I am lucky to have. I think I'm allowed a bit of nervousness at least, though.

Camp: Excited, I guess? There are a lot of little things I don't really have time for, though, and that's definitely frustrating. For example, the medical form I'm supposed to have a doctor fill out at some point before getting to training? Right, I can totally do that in the 12 hours between getting back to America and showing up in Raleigh. Piece of cake. I'm glad Lauren won't be far away, though. It's a small--but nice--security blanket to have her around on weekends. I didn't realize, though, that my cousin was going to be in town all summer for an internship she got in Greenville. I'm a little bummed out that I won't get to see her much, since she goes to school so far away and basically has her life figured out and settled in Georgia. So far away.

So anyway, I'm pretty tired now, seeing as how it's after 1. It might not be a bad idea for me to sleep. Obviously, I won't tell you to be expecting any news from me directly within the next two weeks at least, but I hope that you will continue to hold all of us who are traveling in the light (or pray for us or think about us or whatever it is that you do in those kinds of situations). It should be a safe journey, but it's a long one, and there are a lot of nervous people involved. I hope to return in one piece so I can tell you all about it.

I don't usually read forwarded emails...

but I'm glad I read this one. Just thought I'd pass it on a little more:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR POWER TO CHANGE YOURSELF...AND, NEVER 0VERESTIMATE YOUR POWER TO CHANGE OTHERS."
The Japanese monkey, Macaca Fuscata, has been observed in the wild for over 40 years. In 1952, on the island of Koshima, scientists started feeding the monkeys by dropping sweet potatoes in the sand. While the monkeys liked the taste of the potatoes, they didn't like the
sand.
An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother and to her playmates, who also taught their mothers. Over a period of several years, all the young monkeys on the island learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable.
But only the adults who imitated the children learned this trick. Other adults kept eating the sandy sweet potatoes. Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing their sweet potatoes-nobody knows how many. For the sake of the story, let's suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes. Let's further suppose that later that morning, a hundredth monkey learned to wash the potatoes.
That's when it happened. The additional energy of this hundredth monkey seemed to create an ideological breakthrough for the entire species. By that evening, nearly every monkey in the tribe was washing their sweet potatoes before eating them. But that's not all. The most surprising thing observed by the scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes somehow jumped overseas. Soon colonies of monkeys on other islands, and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama were also washing their sweet potatoes!
Although the exact number may vary, the "Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon" means that when a limited group has a certain realization, it remains the conscious property of that few. But, at a certain point of "critical mass", when just one more mind tunes-in to the new idea, the field is exponentially strengthened, and the awareness is picked up by almost everyone.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mahatma Ghandi

change of plans

Right. Well, I found out this weekend that it's not as affordable for my family to send me abroad as I thought. And my dad realized (for the millionth time) that I only need three more classes to graduate. So I'm not going to Ireland next year. I'll be in Columbia, graduate in December, and hopefully move to Germany for the remainder of the year and be able to travel around.

I'm kinda bummed right now. Yesterday I was excited about it. Either way, it takes a lot of stress out of the next month. Only problem is I need a place to live. So if you know anyone who's got something small from August to December, hook me up, please? I think I could live in Preston as long as I tell them by Friday, but I'd really like my own space that I can kick everyone else out of.
No, I'm really really bummed out about this. I've been planning for Ireland for the last two years! Dad keeps saying it's feasible, we can totally make this happen, I can go, but it really is a pain to do it. There's tons of paperwork and I'd be afraid things wouldn't come back for graduation... I know that I'm making the right decision, but...

I started running away from all these unknowns where I couldn't make decisions because I was waiting on someone else to make them for me, and now I have to make tons of big decisions ultra fast and not when everyone else is making similar ones... ::pout::

So, things are really moving on the trip to Africa. We've applied for visas. I'm getting the paperwork for the course finished this week. I've asked to have the last 3o hours rule waved, and it's been approved by several important people. Good things.
I got an email the yesterday from Limerick, too. I haven't officially been accepted, but it looks good. Any thing's better than nothing.

I guess I've been feeling like this blog should be a space for my travel plans only, but I guess that's unrealistic. Once I'm in Ireland there won't be much to say. Maybe it's time to start really blogging. So... here goes?

First, welcome to my friends from Columbia Quaker meeting... if you're out there...
One of the things I've been struggling with in general but particularly in the last few weeks has been the concept of idealism. My friend David is a self-defined pragmatist, and while he shares a lot of my core values, doesn't share my vision of what the world ought to be by the time we leave it. He's a "small government libertarian." He believes in the American Dream. He doesn't understand my persistent hope that socialism could work. He doesn't care to wonder if people are inherently good.
I used to think I was brave for believing in things others thought impossible. Now I wonder if I'm not just hiding behind that facade. I admit it. I am incapable of living out the life I'd hope for. Or maybe I'm just unwilling to live it. Are my trips to Africa and Mexico, my work in community service, my talk of social justice really nothing more than overcompensation?
David and I ask different questions, I guess. But, all the same, I realize that I have a need for that idealistic vision. Maybe this is why going to Meeting has been such a comfort to me. A lot of churches talk a big game about how we ought to act, but they're so afraid of politics (and, I think, justly so) that they don't actually take action as a group. Meeting is a place where we share information about political rallies, peace walks, and attempts to take humanitarian aid to Cuba. What is it about that space that is different? What allows for that idealism? Or rather, what necessitates it?

I'm still processing the events at Virginia Tech this week. I'd like to write about it, but I'm not ready. Maybe a little later?
Tired now...

approved!

I found out yesterday that I will receive $1,600 of funding from the Dobson program! YAY!

I stole the ITN's heart!

I went to the health department this morning to get my immunizations. You can tell how excited I was about it.

I discovered a couple things. One is that it must be very dangerous to visit the rest of the world, because they make you get a LOT of shots. Okay, I already knew that part. But it makes me wonder what people have to get shots for to come here from Africa. It seems to me that most of the things we worry about aren't really the kinds of things you can get shots for, like the common cold? And I'm sure we haven't tamed the new world so much that there aren't dangerous things about our landscape... hmm... kinda makes me wish i were a true public health person... Not really, though. I'd probably be scared all the time.

Another thing is that it must be very lonely to work in the health department. No one there seemed very friendly, but if you mentioned something you had even slightly in common with the nurses, they couldn't stop gushing. The international travel nurse told me I stole her heart when I said I was from Clemson. I didn't even say I was a tigers fan! (and don't get any ideas. I am not a tigers fan.) Most of the people there this morning were there to see the international travel nurse (let's call her ITN from now on--that's a long name!), but a few came in asking questions about general immunizations. About half of them, I inferred from their questions about forms, couldn't read. They looked exhausted. And it seems to me that if you worked in that office, your job would never end. There are always sick people, always people looking for help. The ITN said she never gets to go anywhere strange for vacation because she doesn't have time (and also grandchildren, but that's another story). She was so content about it, though. She said it wouldn't do any good for her to go try to do that work in Africa, but if she could make sure I wouldn't get sick while I was there, she was doing her part, and she felt like she got to go everywhere, just by listening to peoples' stories... huh... Food for Thought. I don't have the patience to do that, though. Not yet, maybe?

The Richland County Health Department (I cannot speak to other areas because I have no experience) is also very, very, very hard to find, even though it is only 1.6 miles from my dormitory door, according to mapquest. There is a complex of three buildings, which hold countless county offices, and you can't walk through any of the offices or buildings to get to the other ones. You have to walk all the way around to the other side. Which is really fun when it's 9:15, your appointment was at 9, you left at 8 (to be sure you had enough time--which, by the way, meant waking up at seven, a very unfriendly hour to college students), and it's pouring down rain. It wasn't my mistake, either. I even called the office to ask them where to go when I got lost, and I parked in the exact spot they told me to. I even asked to make sure once I finally found the office, and they said, "Yep, you parked in our visitor's spots!" You would think they could at least put up a sign with an arrow or something.

I hope I don't sound grumpy. But I am very tired and my shoulders are sore from--I think she said--Yellow Fever, HepA, and HepB shots (plus more I can't remember) and then getting punched in the shoulder by people who didn't know. Why is it that people always seem to punch you on the one day in the last seven years when you got a shot or four or seven?

Dobson Update

I still cannot believe the incredible outpouring of support I've been receiving. Thank you so much.

I met with the Dobson Volunteer program on Thursday to give them a better idea of what we'll be doing in Magoye, and beg them to please give me money. I think it went well. Several people told me they wished they could come along, which makes me feel like I made it seem like the interesting and well-planned trip that it is. I should find out next week whether I got the funding or not. Wish me luck.

I also turned in my official application to study abroad on Friday. They said I shouldn't have a problem getting in, but I am a little nervous about getting accepted as a special student at Limerick. But also very, very excited. I got to my appointment early, and just sat around reading a travel book while I waited. There are so many cool things to see and so little time to see them in.

I've been a little sad lately that these are my last few months with my friends at Carolina, but they're being really good at keeping me in the moment. I got some unexpected good news last week, though: I will have visitors over Christmas break! My friends Sarah and Jay are planning a Great Britain and Ireland tour, and asked if I would show them around western Ireland. I told them, "only if you show me around London." (I had been dreading trying to navigate London alone or with relative strangers) Hopefully they'll come at a good time so I can spend lots and lots of time with them.

THANK YOU

I got a phone call from Pastor Chris today, saying he has already received a lot of checks with my name on them for our trip so I absolutely can go. YAY! I hope that also means that someone's out there checking my blog (yeah, I know I haven't posted much exciting stuff yet, but I'm trying...), even though I haven't heard anything from you guys. Please, feel free to leave comments, even if you don't have an account. Actually, more than "feel free." I'd love to hear from you, to know that you're keeping up with me. I'm pretty sure you can leave them as "anonymous" and sign your name at the bottom so I know who to reply to.

I turned in my application for Dobson Funding. I still can't figure out if this is a USC-only thing or not, but either way, they give a matching grant for USC students participating in longer-term community service projects. Dobson is one of the few places that actually encourages working with faith-based initiatives and organizations. So we'll see how that goes. It'd be nice to get half the money right-off like that. It'll make going to Ireland much easier.

I also got an appointment to get my immunizations. So be thinking of me on 21 February. My arm will be sore, but I'll be hyped.

Well, responsibilities call--got lots of homework to get done this weekend.

Working Itenerary

Maymester 2007 Visit to Tanzania

Tue. 15.5: Arrive in Dar es Salaam.

Wed. 16.5: Leave Dar es Salaam for Iringa.

Thu. 17.5: To Magoye.

Fri. 25.5: Leave Magoye for Morogoro.

Sat. 26.5: Drive to Arusha.

Sun. 27.5: Worship in Arusha.

Mon. 28.5: Tour of the LAKE MANYARA NATIONAL PARK. Overnight at the Ngorongoro Wildlife Lodge or Bougainvillea Safari Lodge.

Tue. 29.5: Game viewing in the NGORONGORO CRATER.

Wed. 30.5: Visits around Arusha.

Thu. 31.5: Kilimanjaro day hike.

Fri. 01.6 Transfer to the Kilimanjaro International Airport.

The Tanzania Project

Several years ago, Lutheran Campus Ministry at Clemson got a grant to build several houses with Habitat for Humanity. The first was to be built in Clemson by the Lutheran High School Youth of the South Carolina Synod. The second was the Clemson habitat house. This build was to be organized by the Minority Student Council at Clemson. The third was an MLK-house. The plan also included a phase of fundraising for a fourth house. This was to be built in the Southwestern Diocese of Tanzania. Unfortunately, Habitat is not currently building houses in this area. Nonetheless, the South Carolina Synod planned a mission trip to the Southwest Diocese.

Last summer, my father (Chris, or PC), mother (Laura), brother (Smith), aunt (Tricia) and several others traveled to Magoye, Tanzania. There, they did build two houses (known locally as "orphan homes") for reconstructed families where orphaned children were being cared for by their grandparents or older siblings. These houses were built with mud bricks which the community had made by hand and dried in the sun. They measure 13 by 22 feet. Construction of homes of this style costs a mere $2,000, including the metal roof made possible only though the gifts of LCM-C. This team also helped the community to lay a new water supply line to a village that had no ready access to potable water.

At the invitation of Bishop Mbwilo, I have been blessed to become part of the team to travel to Magoye from 14 May through 1 June this year. So far, the group includes nine students, two Professors, PC, and Bill King, the Lutheran campus pastor from Virginia Tech. We will be building two more Orphan Houses while attempting to establish a Habitat for Humanity Affiliate in Magoye. Representatives from Clemson University's Department of Education will help establish a new library at the Matumba Secondary School. We also have hopes of beginning discussions of founding a teacher's College in Magoye. Clemson’s Chapter of Engineers Without Borders has decided to make Magoye one of their long-term projects. The 2007 team will be investigating water quality and supply. We are interested in seeing what might be done to address the lack of electrical power.

Supporting the Project:

None of these ambitious projects would be possible without the support of donors. If you are interested in seeing these efforts move forward, please consider making a gift.

Checks should be made payable to: Lutheran Campus Ministry-Clemson
and mailed to: PO Box 1337, Clemson, SC 29633
Please note on the memo line: “Kat-Tanzania”

This is a gift to a Church, so it does meet IRS standards for Charitable Contribution. Your cancelled check will satisfy IRS for gifts up to $400. If you are a member of Thrivent Financial for Lutherans, your gift might qualify for a 50% match. I would be happy to supply more information upon inquiry.